Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Confessions of a Worn-Out Mommy

I haven't been blogging much at all for the past 6 months. The kids are taking up more time and attention (I thought they needed more attention when they were babies!) and, most importantly, more energy. But mainly I've been pouring myself into trying to figure out Aurora.

I haven't talked much about our struggles with Aurora here on the blog. I've tried to keep most things here about the happy, fun memories mixed in with some of the less-appealing stuff that might help others (like Quinn's food issues and sleep issues). If you're friends with me on Facebook, you've gotten more glimpses of our struggles to parent our sweet girl.

This year, back in April, we decided to try to find out if there's more we can do to help her. After 6 months, all we know is that Aurora is a puzzle. At home, according to several standard assessment forms, she has a strong likelihood of having something going on. In the testing environment, most of those same issues showed up, but not as strongly. Professionals who interact with Aurora and then look at her test results are puzzled because of the dichotomy between how she appears in person versus how she appears on paper.

Wil and I, however, don't see the dichotomy. The assessments that have been conducted are dead-on for the Aurora we know. Because of this, 4 different professionals have recommended we find a way to put Aurora into an environment where she will spend extended time with other adults to see if those adults see the same issues and how severe the issues are. So, starting next Monday, Aurora will be attending preschool 9 hours a week (2 days a week, 4.5 hours each day). It's not a lot but hopefully it will give us the information we need and give me the break I need to be able to engage Aurora when she's home.

That's the other side of the issue: I'm hitting my limit of meeting her needs. As every mother does, I have poured myself into getting to know my child and finding out how she ticks. I've researched, sought advice, and worked things out. I know her better than anyone else on this planet but I'm at a point where I don't know what she needs or what will help her handle the world better. I feel like we've tried everything, found the things that work best for her, and it's still not good enough. There is either something that we're totally missing or there's something extra going on here. We aren't sure what it is, which is why we are seeking professional help. I cannot give her what she needs and I have exhausted the limits of my knowledge and energy. I've been working on the bare minimum for the past couple months and it shows.

So that's the hole I've been hiding in for the past 6 or so months. Hopefully soon I'll be able to catch up on blogging but it's not the priority. I mainly want to keep blogging because it's the only place I record our family's adventures and stories. For now, I'm trying to keep up on my picture a day blog and our Tumblr.

~Regina

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